There is a time for everything.

I lost a friend today.

Why? Because there are just so many thing in life that are out of your control.

You try your best to be as true and as patient you can be to you friend. Especially when you are patient, you compromise to avoid matters escalating from bad to worse. However, that could sometimes be misconstrued as a tacit admission of something, usually of wrongdoing. 

One day, that patience reaches a limit. You want to let your friend know you feel, that your feelings have been hurt by your friend's overprotective and inconsiderate actions, as much as they may be well intentioned. But your friend has turned cold towards you, treating you as if you were a mere acquaintance.

Still, you want to salvage the friendship, as someone who cherish the bond of friends. So you walk up to your friend to ask for some time to talk. But you get those few cold words, "there is nothing to talk about, no need to talk" and you are left standing by yourself, wondering what on earth you did to deserve this type of treatment. All this time I had been true and patient. 

It was really a 180 degree about turn from just a week ago. 

And for what? For something that was not even a concern of my friend nor sometime that will affect my friend's quality of life. Perhaps my friend no longer wishes to be associated with me because I am thought to have made a stupid mistake. No matter. I cannot please everyone. Neither should I suffer fools gladly.

Therefore, I made the decision, and lost to lose a friend today.

Change is a constant in life

I find it hard to believe but it's that time again - grading. I have never like doing it. Maybe because ..of few reasons. When I first started Aikido one of the things that attracted me to it is the "no competition" training. I like to think of it as training for self improvement and to resolve confrontation. Putting things back in its place as the saying goes. So I thought I can just come, train, make some friends, work out a sweat and go home feeling good that I am just bit by bit closer to becoming a "martial artist".

Then there was some change.

I started to travel for seminars. I made new friends. I shared my experiences with my fellow members of what's I have experienced training in a dojo from Bangkok to Manchester. I made more friends. 

It didn't stop there. 

My deepening passion for aikido became ostensible to many and it attracted some attention. I was given the opportunity to contribute by being involved in administrative affairs. Because I desire very much to see Aikido progress in my homeland, my involvement in administration became alot heavier. In a couple of days' time, I shall retire my term as the Secretary General of the BAF.

I said to myself, I wish I could go back to the time when I am just an ordinary member, training and enjoy the company of my friends. Now I have responsibilites.

As the change continues, my master tells me he feels that it is time for me to take my shodan test. Hmmmm (read it as - alot of reservation and reluctance). I had a good talk with him about it, as well as my STI. Bottomline, I guess I can't continue to just receive and not give. As much as I hate to admit it, in terms of rank I cannot stay where I am forever ( the issue of rank is another topic altogether which I may revisit in due course). So I must embrace that change and prepare myself as best as I can.

My fellow member who is also due for shodan grading at the same time is worried about his perfomance as a change in the job position made it very difficult for him to train as our usual times. I told him that we train whenever we can and see where that will take us. Last night, he committed himself to a training session with me. It was just the 2 of us and we trained for about 90 minutes before calling it a night. We agreed on a training pattern and offered feedback on the other's perfomance during training. I really enjoyed the training. 

And yes, we have changed. We have come a long way since our days as a newbie on the mat. I am reminded myself of that everytime I see S training at the beginner's section. I wish her many years of good training ahead.

In 3 weeks' time it will mark another change in my life. There will be many more to come. 

Whatever happens, change will always be there. Life is beautiful, isn't it?

The passing of a giant star

I received news from the IAF on its Facebook website that Tamura Nobuyoshi shihan, 8th dan, has passed away. I was very saddened by the news. It is a great loss to the Aikido community and my deepest condolences to Tamura sensei's family and friends.

I do not profess to know Tamura sensei personally, but I had the fortune to train at his session at the 10th IAF Congress and Seminar at Tanabe, Japan. I had started Aikido about one year before and was really very excited to join the Congress and Seminar. As always I would go right to the front when the session started and follow in earnest the warming up and stretching that followed. What caught my attention was the kokyu exercise that Tamura sensei did. In our training sessions back home, we would just stretch and start training. But after attending a few sessions before Tamura sensei's I had come to realise that this prelude to training is integral to what follows after. This exercise is to prepare one's body and mind for the training that follows and everyone has a different expression of how that preparation is to take place.

Although I do not understand the exercise at that time, I tried my best to follow as closely as I could. During the exercise sensei's eyes were closed and I could see the concentration and serenity that exuded from him. His movements were slow and controlled and seemingly relaxed. I could start to see how this would have an effect on the training later on, as if its preparing you to immerse into another world, a world of Aikido.

Thereafter training started. The most notable technique that was demonstrated as katatedori shihonage. That technique left a very deep impression in my mind because I saw how "immovable" he was. Tamura sensei would call anyone from the crowd and move them with ease. But when they were asked to do so it was like trying to move a big rock. Tamura sensei was even throwing men nearly 5 times his size! I remember exchanging looks of shock and admiration with HSB sensei when that happened.

I wanted to feel the technique from sensei himself. so I plucked up the courage to approach sensei as he was near me and asked him to show me the technique again. With a smile he a grabbed my wrist. He then gestured to the cameraman to come over so that this moment may be captured on film.

I was then asked to execute the technique.

Obediently I moved as I what I thought I saw. I could not move sensei. I tried again in several ways but still to no avail. He smiled at me at asked me to grab his wrist. Just as I grabbed his wrist sensei started to move and next thing I know I was down on the floor. I could not really articulate the process but it felt like he was moving me as part of my body. As I landed on the floor I looked at sensei. He smiled at me and asked me to continue with my practice. I tried very hard to remember that feeling all throughout the session.

After the session ended I went looking for Tamura sensei to take a photograph with him. I didn't have any sort of ID book from the federation or dojo for him to sign as a momento so the next best thing is to take a picture. Tamura sensei was really friendly. He grabbed my shoulder and happily obliged to my request. I felt like I was with my grandpa. I left the session that day with a very good feeling.

HSB and I met Tamura sensei again at Kumano before the demonstration started. I really liked his attire and was commenting to HSB on how cool he was. Again we asked to take pictures and this time I blinked my eyes when our photograph was taken. I asked for a second take due to my blinking and he said to me with a smile "next time, please do not close your eyes". From hindsight maybe he made that statement beyond the context of photograph taking? Make life a good ride, don't close your eyes!

Looking back at all this I am so glad that I went for the Congress instead of waiting until "you're more experienced or more learned or advanced blah blah blah". That is not true. I went because I wanted to learn as much about Aikido as I can. Time waits for no man and once you miss the opportunity it will never turn back for you. Because I made the decision to attend this seminar, I got to meet one of the aikido masters and O Sensei's direct students and trained under one of his sessions before he bid adieu to us.

You were a bright shining star in the realm of Aikido and now you would be in paradise, reunited with O Sensei. Rest In peace Tamura sensei. You will always be in my thoughts.

A weekend in KK

My mom and I went for an overnight trip to KK to do a few things which I am pleased to inform that all got done. We did not book a room at my mom's usual hotel, Promenade Hotel as a friend of mine that suggested that I try out Myne Hotel located in Warisan Square. Our flight landed at 9:00hrs so I did not get to see the room until 14:00hrs. In between my mom and I went to this place in KK Times square to do a health check and also indulged oursalves in a near 2 hour massage. What a good nap I had!

Upon checking in this is what I got. Pictures below were taken with my SE W508.

The beds were clean and mattreses were not too soft.


Entrance to the room. It has a LCD TV but the reception was not very good. Pictures were grainy on some channels.


Dressing area. There is a DIY safe deposit box.


Shower room with Panasonic water heater. There was a good array of toilettries which I did not expect. What you see on the shower room door is not just a decoration but the metal straps comes out as clothing hooks. Pretty dandy the design is.


View from the entrance. The room is quite small but it is new and clean. For the room I booked it comes with windows but you cannot open them. My only complaint was the air conditioner which gave us alot of problems in terms of the temperature and timer control. My mom hates it when the room is not cold enough and only after 3 trips made by the mechanic the problem was fixed.

The hotel is located in town centre and is in a shopping area so food and shopping is not a problem. There is a promotion going on for the hotel's opening so the superior room was going for RM158.00 nett per night. Somehow my mom and I couldnt quite get used to the food in KK (or maybe its just not prepared properly) the next morning we were stricken with a "lau sai" special for the whole morning. As a result we spent a good part in the room in the morning.

Saturday night I got to meet up with an old friend of mine Zar who's flown in to KK from KL with her colleagues in setting up their counter for the soon to be opened MetroJaya. After many missed opportunities in the year we finally got to meet. As usual time was too short but we managed to have a photgraph taken to commemorate our meeting. She looks really good. Check out the difference in the size of our arms! Hehehehe.

The next day, after breakfast and spending a good part of the morning in the hotel room, we checked out and went to Starbucks to wait for an aikido friend to pick me up for Zainuddin sensei's class (arranged in conjunction with my visit to KK. How nice.). While mama and I were sipping on our drinks and chatting away we noticed this man sitting next to us just outside the cafe. He was acting strangely and the next thing we know he moved to another table further away. I noticed that he was eating a piece of pastry left behind by a previous customer and savouring the leftover. He also went over to abother table asking a customer for a cigarette. He smiled like a child when was given one. I took a picture of him sitting in contemplation as he was taking his smoke.

If one takes the time to see down anywhere and just see the world goes by, you would be in for a store of things. Being a loner it is something that I do quite often in my solo outings. Of course this time I had the opportunity to point this out to mama. But it does make me take stock of my life, and to tell myself to stop comparing myself to others when gauging myself in terms of happiness or success or anything in that matter. We are all born with a reason, a journey to make, a purpose to fulfil and a story to weave. Behind every face there is a story, but let's make our own as abounding as we can.

Living from moment to moment.