Welcoming 2010

May the year ahead be one with blessings of love, health, joy and success to all!

Heading towards gemuksville

It's official: I am heading towards the land of abundance!!!

As I look through photographs of myself over the past 10 years, I realized that slowly but surely I have changed in my physical outlook. Yes I somewhat matured and there is more feminity oozing out of me, but some part of my body are also oozing with excess lemak. I would know why- as you hit the 30's your metabolism slows down and its all part of the aging process. but then again, the fault of such weight gain is entirely mine.

I have a tendency to overindulge. I have a sweet tooth, very sweet tooth. I still eat like I do during my tennis days. I snack at night. I LOVE to eat. I think you get a very good picture of what I am trying to say.

Bottomline, very little self control.

I started gaining weight in my late 20's and that sent me on a downward spiral of low self esteem and mild depression. I wanted to lose weight but couldnt overcome my demons. Then I met a friend who showed me how he did it. He explained to me that the most imporant thing about losing weight is to have a balanced diet. Exercise is a supplement. What matters is what goes in inside your body and if you don't sort it out no amount of exercise will help.

Raise your metabolism I was told. I started eating 5 times a day. My meal consists fo 40% proptein, 40% carbohydrates and 20% healthy oils. Weight loss should be gradual and no more than 2 pounds a week. No fried food, no sugar (NooooOOOoooooo!) , no alcohol ( not a problem as I don't drink) and no processed food.

Go on calorie deificit. If I need 2000 calories a day to lose weight I'd take in only 1500 calories. Divide that by 5 meals and its 300 calories per meal.

Burn more fat with weight training. I'd do my cardio in the morning and weights in the evening. Later on I would just exercise in the evening and do alternate weight training plus core conditioning.

I did that for 2 years and never felt better. I look good and feel good. But after that though I started to go on a sweet tooth rampage and gained back the weight. For someone who's on the extreme end of the spectrum I've come to realize that I need to do things with moderation. I can still do my 5 meal thing but I need to control what I eat. I can still indulge on my likes but I must not overdo it. Only that way can I maintain lifelong well-beingness.

So what went wrong? I have gained 2 inches on my chest, 5 inches round my waist and 2 inches round my hips.

I know what went wrong. Please refer to paragraph 3 above.

I want to be healthy, I want to feel good about myself. I want to live a meaningful life and do the things I want to do. I want to still have full function of all my faculties after retirement right until the time the Lord calls me home. But all this takes work and effort and I am not doing it.

As 2010 approaches, I have in my mind a goal. It is not to lose as much as I can so I can look nice in my clothes. Neither is it so satisfy my vanity. My goal to to achieve physical well being.

Have a great year ahead everyone.

New Addition

After having made my first order of dogi through a friend, I have discovered the joys of dogi shopping. Hahaha. After 21/2 years of training, I went from the 40 bucks" its-not-a-dogi dogi" (the belt kept riding up my waist), to Aididas judo gi (that went 2 size smaller) and a "B" brand dogi that should really not be used in a country with an equatorial climate. So I thought its time I get the summer dogi. The first pair were from Yamato. It has a good but tough texture. I thought to myself maybe it would be good to have 2 more sets as I train mkore or less 4 times a week. That way I only use each dogi once a week.

I ordered one set of dogi from Shirakawa and another from Suzuki through a friend in Japan. I was rather excited when I went to the post office to collect my goods. Aren't we always excited about new things??

This is the Shirakawa dogi. the first thing that struck me was how white the dogi is. Bleached maa. This dogi is a stiffer type compared to the one I ordered from Yamato.

It came with my name embroidery but it wasn't as nice as the embroidery on the other set.

When I took out this set I like it instantly. The material is soft and smooth. The pants is so comfortable you could use it as your PJs. But then again I don't...nevermind. Let's not go there. By the way this is the yomogi which is an anti fungus dogi.

The name embroidery is ostensibly better than the last one.


And this is an added bonus which incurred my great pleasure. No more complaints about my jacket opening up all over the place during training!

I have since used both sets of dogi and I do prefer the second set. The first set is very stiff and the collar often gives me problems at the side of the neck though continue friction. It's very uncomfortable to train with collar burns especially if you're someone like me who sweats buckets. Depending on how it goes I may order 2 more sets and a hakama next year. My hakama looks very weathered now and it is time to get a replacement.

Sweet Temptation

I was telling someone the other day about my love for chocolate pudding. There is this place in Jalan Muara that I would go to to have my chocolate pudding with my "kaki". He suggested that I should try out the warm chocolate pudding with ice cream at Saffron. I've never heard of it until now. What got me interested is the quality of chocolate used.

What happened after I took the first bite? I had 7 servings in 2 weeks. Enough said!

"PAK!"

Image courtesy of Martial Artist

This month sensei, NTC and myself agreed that we should set aside extra time apart from regular training to fine tune whatever we have been training. We have been talking about it for a long time now and it is great that it has finally come to pass.

We started our first session yesterday evening. We just did alot of repetitions on kihonwaza, taking care on our footwork. Most of the time we focus on the upper body and neglect the lower, resulting in a somewhat less dynamic movement because of our small/weak tenkan etc. It was tiring and more tiring for sensei and NTC because they started 40 minutes earlier.

During training we would give feedback to one another on how we felt about the techniques that are being performed and what needs to be improved. Then sensei asked us if there was anything in particular that we wanted to train and I suggested, "how about koshinage?". Immediately I got a look of dread from my senpai. Ahhh, the much dreaded and avoided technique. To be honest there is no helping it. As part of a group of aikidokas that is interested in sharing and training with others, I personally feel that aikido training is also about overcoming your fears.

I find that most either fear or find aikido difficult because they fear falling. No one like to fall and certainly be made to fall or kiss the ground. It is part of our ego. As one of our visiting sensei once told us, we practice ukemi to crush our ego, and build it up again (with paraphrase). One is afraid that he may not take the fall safely or injure himself here or there in the process. My fear is doing koshinage.

I don't want to do the nage/flip because it seems so strenous on the body. Plus I have an old lower back injury and I would still like to walk on my feet for as long as I can. But iIam among friends and ones who value safety in training. Since there are only the 3 of us why not? I am sure we can practice this safely. After training for 30 months it is about time.

In the end we simulated everything, short of executing the technique. As a compromise we decided to train our nage. We tried using the training method that judokas used, where one kneel on all fours and the partner attempted to do the nage by holding on to the flaps of the dogi on the kneeling partner. I had so many thoughts running through my head before I moved and it proved to be a big big mistake. I had to learn how trust my sensei, my partner and myself. so in the end, I said to myself if I need to face my fears and just do it. the first few times I landed incorrectly and there was some pain on my upper back and my shoulder but I continued with it. NTC also did the same and we started building up confidence along the way.

When sensei saw that I had got the hang of it he asked to changed the method of training to be the uke for kotegaeshi. Both the uke and nage are stationary with the nage holding the uke's wrist in the reversed manner. We chanted one, two, and on three nage tenkan and I went "foooooooo...pak!" Sometimes it is ok and sometimes I would bang my toes. Ouch. But on the final round, I did the nage where sensei and NTC said, "That was good. That was good."

I was delighted. I decided to stop there to savour the moment and give my body a rest. Learning the nage was not jsut for myself, but I wanted my partner to have the benefit of having a wider repertoire during training.

Well, I am very happy with the training and there is a long way to go. I can't believe I pulled it off and I am thankful to sensei and NTC for their guidance and assistance.

The rain makes me feel like taking a long nap.

Memories

I was thinking whether to attend a funeral of a colleague's grandfather.

I was afraid that I would break down during the visit.

That would look very strange considering the fact that I do not know my colleague's late grandfather at all.

But he went to my late grandfather's funeral.

I should show the same support. Its only right I said to myself.

I decided to wear my late grandfather's watch.

3 of us went and I was doing well.

We were invited to pay our respects and that's when the dam broke loose.

It was as if I went back time to 8 months ago, when my late grandfather was lying in the casket.

I still cannot believe that you are gone, but at the same time I want to believe that you are at a better place.

Remember the time when you were in the medical plane, all strapped up and ready to go Singapore for what would be your last operation?

We took turns to go into the plane to speak to you.

I held your hand and told you that I love you, that you will get well and it will be fine.

I do love you. I really really really really do.

I love you ngiung...always have, still do and always will.

Have fun in heaven.

A weekend in KK

My mom and I went for an overnight trip to KK to do a few things which I am pleased to inform that all got done. We did not book a room at my mom's usual hotel, Promenade Hotel as a friend of mine that suggested that I try out Myne Hotel located in Warisan Square. Our flight landed at 9:00hrs so I did not get to see the room until 14:00hrs. In between my mom and I went to this place in KK Times square to do a health check and also indulged oursalves in a near 2 hour massage. What a good nap I had!

Upon checking in this is what I got. Pictures below were taken with my SE W508.

The beds were clean and mattreses were not too soft.


Entrance to the room. It has a LCD TV but the reception was not very good. Pictures were grainy on some channels.


Dressing area. There is a DIY safe deposit box.


Shower room with Panasonic water heater. There was a good array of toilettries which I did not expect. What you see on the shower room door is not just a decoration but the metal straps comes out as clothing hooks. Pretty dandy the design is.


View from the entrance. The room is quite small but it is new and clean. For the room I booked it comes with windows but you cannot open them. My only complaint was the air conditioner which gave us alot of problems in terms of the temperature and timer control. My mom hates it when the room is not cold enough and only after 3 trips made by the mechanic the problem was fixed.

The hotel is located in town centre and is in a shopping area so food and shopping is not a problem. There is a promotion going on for the hotel's opening so the superior room was going for RM158.00 nett per night. Somehow my mom and I couldnt quite get used to the food in KK (or maybe its just not prepared properly) the next morning we were stricken with a "lau sai" special for the whole morning. As a result we spent a good part in the room in the morning.

Saturday night I got to meet up with an old friend of mine Zar who's flown in to KK from KL with her colleagues in setting up their counter for the soon to be opened MetroJaya. After many missed opportunities in the year we finally got to meet. As usual time was too short but we managed to have a photgraph taken to commemorate our meeting. She looks really good. Check out the difference in the size of our arms! Hehehehe.

The next day, after breakfast and spending a good part of the morning in the hotel room, we checked out and went to Starbucks to wait for an aikido friend to pick me up for Zainuddin sensei's class (arranged in conjunction with my visit to KK. How nice.). While mama and I were sipping on our drinks and chatting away we noticed this man sitting next to us just outside the cafe. He was acting strangely and the next thing we know he moved to another table further away. I noticed that he was eating a piece of pastry left behind by a previous customer and savouring the leftover. He also went over to abother table asking a customer for a cigarette. He smiled like a child when was given one. I took a picture of him sitting in contemplation as he was taking his smoke.

If one takes the time to see down anywhere and just see the world goes by, you would be in for a store of things. Being a loner it is something that I do quite often in my solo outings. Of course this time I had the opportunity to point this out to mama. But it does make me take stock of my life, and to tell myself to stop comparing myself to others when gauging myself in terms of happiness or success or anything in that matter. We are all born with a reason, a journey to make, a purpose to fulfil and a story to weave. Behind every face there is a story, but let's make our own as abounding as we can.

Living from moment to moment.

The tremendous need for attachment

Our relationship is possessiveness, attachment, various forms of intrusion upon each other.
What is attachment? Why do we have such tremendous need for attachment? What are the implications of attachment? Why is one attached? When you are attached to anything, there is always fear in it, fear of losing it. There is always a sense of insecurity. Please observe it for yourself. There is always a sense of separation. I am attached to my wife. I am attached to her because she gives me pleasure sexually, gives me pleasure as a companion; you know all this without my telling you. So I am attached to her, which means I am jealous, frightened. Where there is jealousy, there is hatred. And is attachment love? That is one point to note in our relationships.

Mind Without Measure, pp 80-81
Jiddu Krishnamurti

An expression

We were strangers you and I
A decade plus 2 years ago
Its from there the process starts
Knowing you and knowing me

3 years passed and I went home
Hoping I could stay behind
But like the rivers to the sea
Our friendship grew and grew

Sometimes we don't talk so much
But we would know what to do
Our silent moments are indeed golden
Knowing you and knowing me

Talk we do of everything
We laughed we cried we embrace in love
Through all the years good or not
Our friendship grew and grew

Made of all things strong and good
You are God's fine piece of work
How I cherish our bond
May it last in eternity.

Departures

I finally got my hands on the dvd for the long awaited movie "Departure". I tend to go for international movies when making selection for in flight movies and this movie caguht my eye. At the time of selection I was not aware of the rave reviews it attracted or the nominations given. I am very much into most things Japanese and is recently addicted to watching "batsu" game shows. to get an idea of what a batsu game is, please read the information here.

I digress.

During the numerous recesses I took in writing this post I originally intended to give a synopsis of the movie but then again after having benefit from the recesses I decided that I wasn't going to spoil it for anyone.

It touched on death, taboo subjects, discrimination and social conditioning with other related topics. It was a quiet movie in a sense that there wasn't a lot of dialogue, but the silence and acting skills deliver a powerful imagery and message.

It also made me cried buckets too.

2 thumbs up for this movie! go grab yourself a dvd now!

Of my tools

It was just another day at work.

There were many files to clear and much drafting to be done. It came to a point where I thought a short break would be in order. So I put my pen down and closed my eyes for about a minute. When I opened my eyes its gaze happen to be upon one the tools of my trade, my trusty pens.

Like all other things, there is a story behind these writing instruments. Eversince I started cursive writing ( I am very grateful to the teachers of At. Andrew's school who made us all learn it when I started Secondary 1 after spending 6 years in Chung Hwa school previously), I grew to be fond of fountain pens. Ink stains on my thumb and middle finger is a near daily occurence and I would never miss the fountain pen counter on our family weekend outings at the departmental store. Actually it was just Yaohan then. Before that it was Klasse. Hehehehe.

In the time of computers and keyboards I remain true to pen and paper. It is just not the same writing with a pen compared to writing using the keyboard. That personal touch is missing.

One thing I love is to receiving and reading letters from friends and family. Those letters are testaments to the love and thoughts as expressed through the movements of their own hands. I don't really know how to put it across articulately but I hope you get the idea. I kept all the letters that I received in a box and time and again I will take them out and read it. When the family was moving house last month I took out the letter that my (then) little brothers wrote to me. It brought back so many memories. I could imagine the look on their adorable faces as they wrote, sealed and posted that letter, with their thoughts of and affection for me.

Ok moving on.

What you saw in my pen case are the 3 most used pens.

This is the first fountain pen that I used and also my favourite. My father gave it to me when I was whining about not having a fountain pen of my own. It has a broad nib and a very smooth feel. You can see the ravages of time on the cap. This is pen is about 3 decades old. I use it mostly for drafting.

This MontBlanc Meisterstruck ballpoint pen is a gift from my uncle after he knew that I has passed my LLB Finals. When he handed this pen to me he told me " Chui, I hope with this pen you would do what you think is good and right." A motto I practice in whatever I do.

This Sheaffer fountain pen is a birthday gift from my senior and colleague. The most recent addition to my fountain pen collection and is currently occupying the last slot in my pen case. It has the initials "SW" which I use at work. It has a medium nib and I generally use it to make amendments and take short notes.

This Lamy fountain pen is for "rough use". It has a medium nib and resides in my office room.

This Pilot G3 has a 1.0 nib which is the broadest thus far. Great for signing letters especially the waxy ones.

Ahhh...this Pilot G2 1.0 pen is my correction pen. I am quite fastidious an tend to make alot of amendments when it is called for and I use this pen to make sure that the secretaries don't miss my amendments. The red ink plus my "unique" penmanship is a source of neverending sufferance for the ladies. I am a leftie after all. He he he.

Last but not least, my Pilot Shaker mechanical pencil. Mostly used when I am updating legislation. It is used together with my correction pen. I started using Shakers when I was 12 and was devastated when I lost my collection of Shakers that I had with me for over 15 years. I bought this from Hua Ho 2 years ago together with a black version of it. I was so so happy that they have Shakers in white.

There you go. My tools. Its use, like many other things, has an impact not only on the person who uses it but also those who made it and those who receives what come out of it. So whenever you express yourself through these wonderful tools, give them a thought as they certain deserve the same.

A treat for my eyes

Between Denzel Washington and John Travolta...its Denzel any day.

Lunch with family

I have been eating out quite often lately due to several reasons but mainly so that I can spend some time with my family. We had lunch at a restaurant near No. 2's workplace and I was also missing the "fried meat" that No. 2 ordered yesterday. Since No. 3 has yet to taste I seized upon the opportunity to order the same dish.

Wet fried noodle with mata lembu as ordered by No.3


Yes the tasty "fried meat" that has left me craving for more!


Mama's sweet and sour pork rice.


My ginger steamed free range chicken. Not very impressed with it. I guess I don't like eating this dish cold.

The quest for chocolate pudding

I read from a website somewhere that there is this place which serves a decent chocolate pudding/fondant/lava cake. Excited, I enlisted my Chin Chin to go try it out. She did not have high hopes for this outing as somehow she feels that she'd be disappointed. We are quite, if not very strigent on the standards for this dessert. That is because (the word "because" to be said with a slight drawl) it is our bonding food. So it has got to be a very good one that is.

We started off with having lamb with gravy for our main course. For the price we were charged I find it acceptable. The mash potatoes were not bad but certain pieces of the lamb were tough to chew.

Then came the dessert. Hmm ice cream is outside instead of on the pudding. Hmmm crust looks too light coloured. Hmmmm. *scrutinizes*

As I took a closer look, the texture of the crust looks like that of a cake which looks to thick to be that of a chocolate fondant.

As suspected. Too thick and gooey. I have read the history of how the chocolate fondant came about but this really looks like an unbaked cake!


I could only finish the crust as I could not stomach the molten chocolate. It was more buttery and chocolatey. *shipai da*


Verdict: I would not order it again.

On one of those acts I find most unpleasant

"…Throughout life, from childhood, from school until we die, we are taught to compare ourselves with another; yet when I compare myself with another I am destroying myself. In a school, in an ordinary school where there are a lot of boys, when one boy is compared with another who is very clever, who is the head of the class, what is actually taking place? You are destroying the boy. That’s what we are doing throughout life. Now, can I live without comparison—without comparison with anybody? This means there is no high, no low—there is not the one who is superior and the other who is inferior. You are actually what you are and to understand what you are, this process of comparison must come to an end. If I am always comparing myself with some saint or some teacher, some businessman, writer, poet, and all the rest, what has happened to me—what have I done? I only compare in order to gain, in order to achieve, in order to become—but when I don’t compare I am beginning to understand what I am. Beginning to understand what I am is far more fascinating, far more interesting; it goes beyond all this stupid comparison."

Jiddu Krishnamurthi
Talks & Dialogues Saanen 1967, p 86

Going to my second home for a seminar

It was a great pleasure to be able to attend the 15th annual seminar held by the Malaysian Aikido Assocation ("MAA"). Having seen the scale of the event and the organization it takes alot of manpower, resources, dedication and perseverance to reach where they are today. Here I would like to offer my congratulations to Low sensei and MAA for a job well done! From a small association that started 15 years ago it has overcome many obstacles and remain united to reach where it is today. It is my hope that aikido the oragnization responsible will also flourish in my country.

This is my second time participating in the MAA seminar and it was good to meet old friends and made new ones. This year I had the pleasure of travelling with my senpai Chiong and his wife Jeon. We attended the sessions and exhanges noted with each other, trying out the techniques taught and had good discussion about what we learn and to bring back to our country.

I had a great time training with the shihans on the mat, who are always so obliging and willing to share. What the shihans and sensei taught had a common theme running through it, which is the importance of keeping connection. Some are very particular about how the attacks are carried out, while others focused on footwork and yet others teaches you how you prepare your mind to train. There was so much to take in and it was just like in Tanabe. I was in aikido heaven.

One thing I must say though about my experience training with the shihan and senseis. Without question they read a student very well having this wealth of experience in training and teaching. So they know to what extent you can take ukemi from them. But what I feel from each and every one of them is the respect and focus they give to their practice partners. That is something I don't get half of the time. You have some who don't really want to train with you because you are a white belter and some who are also white belters also don't really want to train with you because they want to train with a black belter. We bow to each other in seiza before training but the sincerity is not necessarily there.

Another thing also was what Smibert shihan reminded us: we should strive to do exactly what the sensei taught and/or showed us in class as each sensei has his/her own way of doing it. If you just keep to what you have been doing all along, that is all you have. This is for everyone of us!

There are alot more to share but I will save it for another time. This post is looking as if its going on and on and on...

Happy training!

The seminar venue - Wisma OCM


Representatives from Aikidamashii Dojo, Brunei


From left to right: Chiong, Bernie senpai, Phillip sensei and myself.


From left to right: Chiong, Horii shihan (he rocks!), Sandy from Hong Kong and myself


From left to right: Chiong, Imanul Hakim sensei (always so eager to share) from Indonesia and his wife Shanti sensei with myself.


Chiong and I with Kubota shihan ( an unforgettable session with Chew Boon as his uke)


Smibert shihan (thanks for the reminder) and Chiong


With Sato sensei. He acted as interpreter to Kubota shihan and Tsuboi shihan during their session.


With friends from Hong Kong Sandy and Alan sensei


Jemy from Perth. Very nice to train with and very fast with his hands.


With Chew Boon the most popular uke during the seminar.


Chiong and Chew Boon having a bit of fun.