My new little white toy

I collected my little white toy from Netcom yesterday. The Acer Aspire One. I took it out at home after work and was just admiring it. Small, lightweight, functional and WHITE. Hehehe. No prizes for guessing what my favourite colour is, or have I actually given this hint before? Oopss.

Verdict: I find it to be satisfactory for a my user level. I basically bought it so that I can use it to surf the net, blog and upload pictures and maybe do some work. As it has 120GB of hard disk space I won't have much problems with storing my files which are mainly pictures. Chui is happy.

Reluctantly I left my toy to get ready to meet Mr Thursday for dinner. I was supposed to go for training in the evening but changed my mind after onset of sore back. I figured that since I'll be training 5 times a week during fasting month it is not wise to stress my back and hurt myself. Getting old and so are my injuries hehehe. Haven't seen dear cuz for some time so will try to keep our weekly meetings regular. I felt like having Korean food so we went to Koryo restaurant in Kiulap. I told Sally I wanted my usual with beef. I usually order 2 usuals and she thought I wanted beef bulgogi but I actually wanted the dol sop bi bim bap ( I hope I didn't get the name wrong). We also order the beef gim bap and and kimchi stew. Jens thought that the kimchi stew might be abit too spicy for me as spicy food eating trainee ( you will notice in time that I am in training for many other consumption matters) but it turned out to be ok. Personally I prefer the gim bap to sushi because I find the gim bap to be tastier and it has much to do with the radish and meat. After a good time of catching up, I went home to play with my toy a little while more before turning in for the night.

Making Choices

We make choices everyday. In some days more and in some days less. Some days you really don't want to make any choices at all but you still have to whether you like it or not? Do I want to stay in bed longer and risk being late for work? Do I want to use my cufflinks today? Do I want to drink milo for breakfast? Whether we like it or not, making choices is inextricably link to our daily lives. The thing is, you need to make choices everyday. You don't know the consequences of the choices you make. You get worried. So you delay making them. In the meantime, everything else gets jammed up. You wonder why. You get feel a sense of frustration and conflict because you fear the very thing you need to do, making choices. Why are some choices so easy to make whilst some are not? Because some choices take us out of our comfort zone. I'm not really happy where I am but life is good. So why rock the boat? Why start all over again? Why give some something that's taken you so much time and effort to obtain? What will happen when I start over? What if it doesn't turn out the way I want or planned it to?

I find it to be quite sad if you reach that stage in life. We only live once and we don't live on "what ifs?" You have no control over what happens in future but you still need to make choices. I remember the wise words of a friend when I told him that I have made the decision to leave my job. He said, "remember, there are no bad choices. Just good and less good choices."

I thought about what I wanted in life and was at one point very sure that path X was the path that I want to take. It took me 5 years and 2 failed exams to get me there and another 6 years of training and work. This endeavour took me 11 years. After the 6th year I began to ask myself whether it is a job I want to be in the long run. I still wasn't sure but I kept on, believing in the motto that once you made a decision to do something you give it your best shot, all the time, until you stop doing that something. Things were good, but internally I was not happy. For the last 5 years I told myself that there has got to be more in life than this. If there is, what is it? I looked for things to do. I talked to friends. I spend time with my loved ones. I went for trips. Still something is missing.

I became more and more unhappy. I was in search of that elusive and missing factor in my life.

As least it is clear to me that what I am doing now is not what I want. But I do not know what I want to do either? I need to make a choice. I can stay where I am until I find out what that is or I can just leave and find out what that is. After thinking about it for 10 months. I decided on the latter. Of course the latter choice brings with it a floodgate of concerns. I have ben living my life in too much of a set pattern and it has not made me happy. So let's not live in a pattern and see where it takes me.

Actually I have a pretty good idea what I want to do but I won't tell you. He he he. It does not affect your live anyway.

Another choice that I have to make is not to be so laid back in my training. Sensei gave me a mock test last night and was satisfied what I understand the techniques despite not being taught. I knew the technique but don't know how to do it.I felt quite overwhelmed because I was tested on a variety of techniques. Ali senpai was a most sporting uke. I would have been fine with doing the nikkyo the whole night. I need that actually. I MUST remember to do the kuzushi...

Ok off now to make another choice. Back to work as lunchtime is over. I can't wait for training tonight. I hope your day was good as it was for me.

I'm not there

After an exciting and energy consuming weekend, I am sufficiently recuperated to write this post.

You might ask why was it exciting? Well I got lessons on how to be invisible (hence I'm not there). You might ask again why was it energy consuming since I am learning how to be invisible? Answer: I also had to be stubborn. Some of you reading this will be nodding your heads furiously. You know who you are *wry smile*. Still don't know where I went? Please refer to my immediate preceding post. He he he.

I can't really tell you how much I enjoyed and benefited from the seminar, but it was really good for me. Zainuddin sensei put his focus towards the basics, refining the execution of techniques as well as the flow of our movements. There were much more that were taught but I am quite hard pressed to remember all of them. Should have brought my notebook with me.

I will not dwell in detail on what was taught at the seminar because it is something that requires continous practice. I understand what was taught but have trouble putting it into action. My face was always strained with one kind of emotion or another, fascination, longing, uncertainty, irritation, confusion and frustration to name a few. "Don't worry", says sensei, "it takes time." I am not exactly a student that catches on quickly and I have a tendency to scrutinize and dissect, which at times does not serve me well during practice.

The thing about being invisible is, as I understand it, to move out of the uke's direct vision when executing a technique. An attack is rarely done towards a person who is not in your direct vision therefore it makes practical sense to move out of his direct vision. Take the nikkyo ura for example. While performing the nikkyo we would tend to stand in front of the uke, who, if is co-operative would be on one knee before nage makes the tenkan to pin the uke. At least that was how I was doing it. Now let's say the uke decides to be stubborn. Technically while performing the nikkyo the uke can still attack you, like landing a blow to your torso or attempt a kick at your knee because you are standing in front of him. But if you are constantly moving into his peripheral vision, attacking you is not that easy anymore. To make that point clear to us, the demonstration sounded like this, "now, I'm here. Now i'm not. You see, I'm not there, I'm not there, I'm still not there" and boom! Uke is down. Apart from going "so that's how it is", my face also cringed from the pain I felt telepathically from the uke.

So I tried it out. While moving in order to remind myself I murmured, "I'm not there, I'm not there, I'm not there?" Then a punch lands on my stomach. Still there. Hahaha. Work on it Chui, work on it.

You get to be the uke too. On a seperate note, for myself as well as NTC, we always volunteer to be the uke when we are unsure of how to execute a technique. It is not an uncommon sight to see us rushing to do a katadori for eg. Hahaha. Back to what I meant to say. As an uke, in this seminar we were encouraged to be "stubborn" which translates to be un-cooperative. Generally as an uke you should be cooperative in assisting the nage to learn how to execute the technique and also for safety reasons. However the purpose here is to help nage refine the techniques in a sense that you apply some resistance and if the nage is doing it right he should still be able to performed the technique. Furthermore we are reminded to bear in mind that safety should be at the forefront when in practice. Resistance can be applied but not recklessly. We are all here to learn.

The bokken and jo were also used for training and application of techniques. We mainly practised techniques at kosadori and also did breathing and centre exercises. Sensei reminded us of the importance and effectiveness of kuzushi and the application of atemi in executing techniques while maintaining musubi. So much to learn!

I must say I was very intrigued, to say the least, on what was taught over the weekend. Not only that, but I got to know more about sensei. I think I can safely say that a teacher student relationship is slowly taking shape. I could still remember the first time I sensei. He looks so serious I said to myself, takut lah. But then it's just not me to hold back because of appearances. So now its all good he he he.

To sum it up, I couldn't have had a better time.

At the end every seminar my immediate question is "when are we going to have another one?". While waiting, I just keep training.

It's a happy day

For the first time in many months I actually managed to wake up at 6 a.m. despite having less than 5 hours of sleep. Of course it is for a purpose...to give my mom a lift to the airport for an early morning flight. I was in the office before 7 a.m and spent my time reading the papers. What an amazing athlete Usain Bolt is. A diet of chicken nuggets and yam? Some people seem to have it all. Anyway it was an amazing show of prowess in double sprints and I hope there is more to come.

Counting the hours until 14:30hrs. My half day leave for today is approved so yay! Aikido no seminar ikimasu!

Am I ready?

I have been having a really good time at aikido classes this week. I feel that I have been making some progress in applying what I understand on the mat. Much to my glee sensei informed that that the dojo is having a seminar this weekend to be conducted by Zainuddin Abd Khalic sensei, 3rd dan and President of Aikikai Malaysia. He visits regularly, being the sensei of my sensei , Hj Sabtu sensei, and conducts seminars for aikidokas in Brunei. Aikido is relatively new in Brunei with the Brunei Aikido Federation formed in 2005 wherein my sensei was one of the founding members.

I noticed in the seminar programme that there will be an upgrading session this Saturday. Hmmm I thought, why am I feeling nervous? I texted my sensei to ask whether I am due for grading and all I got was "just be prepared...he he he". Great, just the answer I need...

One thing about aikido is that there are no competitions so generally in terms of finding impetus to train would be looking forward to upgrading and seminars. Why there are no competitions in aikido is because aikido essentially is a way of life. It is about you becoming one with the world. So if you and the world are one there is no need to competition as you don't have to prove anything to anyone. It is your own development and how far you can go.

Of course that begs the question: "Isn't all martial arts a way of life?" I dare not branch into this topic because my only exposure in martial arts is in aikido. Having practiced it for only a little over a year I am still very much in kindergarten in terms of understanding aikido. but I try to learn more about O sensei's teachings and what is it that he wants us to learn from aikido. I am but offering a limited view of how I see aikido, a view which will evolve over time.

Back to being prepared.

When I started aikido I knew that it would be something that I will enjoy immensely. I do not know how fast I will catch on and I soon I will progress through the ranks. My aim was never to obtain the black belt (although it would be good if I eventually do) but to learn aikido, for now. As time passed by it cemented by passion on aikido, knowing that it will be a lifelong practice for me. With that in mind, I took my time, taking my gi with me whenever I travel and just visiting dojos and making new friends and to just share learning experiences with one another. Then I started reading books on aikido. I started asking more questions. I just want to know more and more. I have a great desire for aikido and that is what is keeping me going. So I was never in a hurry to go for grading.

For an adult student you start off at 6th kyuu and students like us are called mudanshas, which loosely means students who don't have black belts. After clocking a certain number of hours and subject to the recommendation of your sensei, you may proceed to be graded for 5th kyuu, 4th kyuu and so on until you reach 1st kyuu. After you have attained your 1st kyuu the next grading will be for shodan (1st dan black belt). Once you obtain your shodan you be known as a yudansha. It's very different though seeing an aikidoka with a black belt. All mudanshas wear a white belt but some dojos in other jusrisdictions do practice a coloured belts system.

I am now in 4th kyuu after having gone through 2 gradings, the last of which was in April this year. It was quite nerve-wracking considering the fact that all you are tested on are techniques that you have been learning day in day out. I personally don't think I can manage a good pass and if I can't I would rather be failed. However it is not my call and if sensei thinks I am ready then I will just have to try my best. Good thing I took up Japanese language courses this year. It has certainly helped during practice.

I had my camera with my when I went for practice yesterday and I thought I would take some photos of the dojo.

The dojo is on the first floor to the on the left corner lot.



The interior of the dojo.



The jo and bokken for suburi and weapons training.



My hakama, which was left at the cleaners for 2 months before I collected it haha.



Dojo's name on sensei's sleeve.



Ali senpai can't wait for some action!

The dojo recently moved from another unit in the same building so not everything is in place yet. It is also smaller than the previous place but I like this dojo better because for one thin its doesn't have the distracting the worrying pillar in the middle of the dojo and the place look warmer and more inviting.

Sensei decided to put us on a weight loss programme and made us to kaiten nage techniques galore the whole night. Doing kaiten ukemi (rolling breakfall) is actually very very exhausting! I was wearing my hakama for the first time after some months and was worried that it would pose some impediment to my shikko but all I did was kaiten ukemi so my concern was unnecessary.

Sensei took great pains to refine our execution and I took some pictures and videos of my 2 senpais in action for their review and feedback.

Hj Sabtu sensei giving instructions in class.



Revision and refining execution



Excuting a locking technique.



sensei. " remember, when you execute hanmi handachi shomenuchi
dai sankyo kita mesti buat ani, ani sama ani... supaya ani..."



Showing us how's done, and yes we do a fair bit of shikko which explains the black patches hehe.

We had another mock test to see how we are getting on with our techniques and I notice a distinct patterm in Chiong senpai, if its a technique he is unsure of he always volunteers to start as the uke! hahaha. But hey everyone loves a good uke. I had wanted very much to stay back later but had a dinner function to go to, which turned out to be an event. Another awesome end to a day.

I am counting the hours til the seminar tomorrow, which reminds me that I need to apply for leave for tomorrow afternoon. I am just so very excited. Ready for some action this weekend Chui?

Oh my knees!

It was rather slow day today. I was struggling to get up to speed at the office and some feel tired and unmotivated. My body was very uncomfortable from all the rashes and itchiness. So I decided to MSN my Sai Mui in KL to see what she is up to. What ensued was a rather long online chat. There were some developments in her life that caused me great concern, but as we chatted I realized that she is fully aware of her situation. She wanted me to lend her an ear, not to tell her what she already know. I should have known...As I constantly complain to her about not having anyone to talk to here, she is not much better off over there either. The chat took a different turn after that. We spoke about our plan for our dive trip in September, accompanying her for some bag shopping, positive things that we look forward to. As usual work caught up with us and we went back to our respective mountains.

Not long after the lunch bell rang and and off I go to meet a friend for lunch. He showed me his right middle finger from which half a phalanx was severed when he tried to separate his pet dogs from a fight. There its more to his story but it shall remain between the two of us.

Time passes by so quickly and next thing I know it is time to go home. I had time to watch some telly. So sad that Liu Xiang was forced to withdraw from the 110m hurdles due to an old injury. I saw the footage of the false start and the look on his face as it grimaced from pain and disappointment. There was so much riding on his race. He must be gutted.

Got myself ready for aikido class and was wondering what is in store tonight. NTC senpai and MN senpai attended training and sensei decided to train us on some 3rd kyuu techniques and put our shikko skills to the test. We practiced 3 techniques in hanmi handachi position (nage/tori seated, uke standing) We practiced hanmi handachi shomenuchi iriminage, hanmi handachi katatedori shihonage (omote and ura) and hanmi handachi shomenuchi kotegaeshi. We could all execute the techniques, but they need to be refined. I also needed to remember the variations of the techniques executed as my grading is imminent from the way things are going. I would prefer to take my time and just be at 4th kyuu for now but if sensei thinks that I am up for it and recommends for upgrading, I will go for it.

I find many benefits in training with my senpai. Take musubi for instance. I had always thought that musubi is necessarily the connection establish through physical contact but it seems that it is not necessarily so. Musubi is mutual, so even if there is no physical contact per se, musubi can still be established between uke and nage/tori in consensus. For example as the uke attempts to execute a katatedori you may have already started moving even before he grabs your wrist. The technique is still executed because the uke knows the intent of the nage/tori, in the context of training.

As for knowing the intent of the nage/tori, that is something that I am still trying to grasp. But from training this evening, I have an idea of what that is like. Being an uke is always tough, but by being the uke will also benefit you as a nage/tori. I am finding it difficult to articulate my thoughts on this topic, but suffice to say that I really enjoyed class tonight.

I also remember now why I fear shihonage so much.

Sensei decided to give all of us a mock test at the end of the class. I was tested on ushiro ryotedori dai ikkyo, dai nikkyo, dai yonkyo and dai gokyo. These are locking techniques. Problem with yonkyo, as usual but I am getting there hahaha. There may be a seminar at the end of this week which I am very much looking forward to. Hopefully it materializes. The training continues!

What's with the froggy?

I woke up at 7:00am to a nice sunny morning. I spent the night catching up on Bleach so I expect to feel some wooziness during surface interval today. I packed my gears and made my way to the Empire hotel. I was the first one to arrive and passed the time singing to some Hokkien song (I know, I don't believe it myself...) from Spirits of Love show. Made 2 dives, one at Bluewater wreck followed by another at Cement wreck. I felt left out because I was the only one who didn't have a camera with me. I am still waiting for my underwater housing to be shipped from the USA so until then I will just have to be content with "looking around". Jens and Ing took some very good pictures at both dive sites. The visibility was quite good but we encountered some strong currents.

I came across a picture that Jens took of me and I thought I should share this.

As I could recall, I was very much intrigued with a big school of baracudas above me and I just went belly up and stayed there for some time, watching the fish, wishing I could swim amongst them. How was I to know that my moment of trance was captured by my dear cuz, who always have a sharp eye for interesting things!

I did not suffer any seasickness, mainly from the fact that I did not eat much save for some biscuits and taking lots of liquid. I retreated to the pool for some relaxation before making my way back home and met my aunts and cousins who came for a swim. However, my sensitive skin started acting up and now I am suffering from rashes and unbearable itch on certain parts of my body. Ouch!

Overall it was a good day. Feeling quite excited because I am having aikido class tomorrow. Aikido always make my day. It also offsets my monday blues syndrome. Must remember to collect my hakama before class tomorrow.

New Blood?

It's just amazing what can happen when you take the initiative to start a conversation. I asked a senior about his interest in aikido and I saw his face light up. We had a nice chat and I encouraged him to come for our try out classes. Hopefully I will see him in class next week.

I couldn't resist the urge to make a purchase this afternoon. The temptation came in the form of a small laptop by the name of Acer Aspire One. It fits my requirements of a travel laptop and above all it it comes with a WHITE shell. No prices for guessing what my favourite colour is! I will have to wait for a week before my order is available as it is a rather new products and promoters were only given one display set each for the expo.

My otherwise enjoyable teatime today suffered an irritation maturing to utter annoyance as I experience the far reaching consequences of collective incompetency.

Anyhow, time for bed as its an early morning tomorrow for some scuba diving!

The first step

After much thought and deliberation I decided that I will give blogging a try. I have never been very good at articulating my thoughts and as a person who aspires to write someday, I have to start somewhere. Funny though as I was initially very much against the idea of blogging. Why? I felt that it was too open. I did not like the idea anyone and everyone reading my thoughts in the internet. That being said I don't necessarily have to blog about everything in my life, just what I feel is important and worth sharing. I know what I feel is important and worth sharing is a very subjective. However, I shall cast these concerns away and enjoy myself in whatever I do. Cheers!

I told a few of my friends about my blog today. MF said he laughed really hard when he saw my blog. It was just like me he said, solemn and serious. I wasn't really having a good day when I started the blog and spent quite some time deciding on the settings of the blog. In the end I just picked whatever that I was comfortable and voila! hehehehe.

The bell rang in the office and I was wondering what I would do during lunch apart from having lunch. I took a drive to Kiulap to renew my annual gym subscription under a corporate rate. Lo and behold, I was told that they "don't do corporates anymore". I expected to receive this reply and honestly was disappointed nevertheless. I didn't put up a fuss. I did ask a lot of questions though. Questions that the staff in attendance had no authority to answer for. She did give me some reasons why the corporates don't apply anymore. As a consolation I was issued a 3 day free pass while waiting for the person in charge to return and revert to me on Monday. Wow... I really don't have to go through this again and again. I might as well join the other gym!

It's Hiko's birthday today and I gave him a call to see whether he is going to pain Melbourne red tonight. He received the birthday package that I mailed to him from KL on 08.08.08. He loved it. It must be quite boring being 300 years old and so today is just going to be like any day for him. A night out with A.L. and Lin and a nice dinner. From his FB status I figured that he didn't get a birthday package from the casino hahaha. Moo, you should have watched "21". Happy birthday Moo, with lots of love.

Things were rather sluggish at work and I decided to spend some time at granny's. My cousins and aunts from UK and Malaysia are in town. I had a light dinner and ended up falling asleep at the couch shortly thereafter. My cousin tried her utmost best to keep me awake and halfway through I received a call from Chin Chin. Chin invited me to play the Nintendo Wii with her. I was tired so we ended up chatting over the phone. I poured my heart out to her about the gym incident and we ended up talking about possibly joining the other gym and working out together. Ah, my mind conjures up images of 2 sweaty ladies sitting on a bench, one holding the elbows of the other from behind during bicep lifts with sweat dripping everywhere...oo. Are you reading this Chin Chin??

I ended my day with thoughts on aikido.