Watch what you say

I recently returned from a diving trip at Redang Island. Before returning home I stayed a night at my aunt's place, which was good timing as my cousin turned 13 on the evening that I flew back. We had a very nice dinner (grilled lamb, yum yum my favourite).

I spent some time alone with my aunt in the morning, catching up and watching her wrap presents for middle M. While we were chatting, I realized something and asked her where Cookie, their pet dog had gone to. My aunt stopped what she was doing and asked me, "Didn't you know what happened to Cookie? That was quite some time ago."  She sighed and told me in a very solemn fashion, that Cookie is no longer with us. I was shocked and asked her how it had happened. In gist, she was in a state of anger over a family matter and accidentally ran over Cookie who was sleeping under the car when she was reversing the car out of the house. She recounted the story in detail and shed tears of regret, even after 18 months had passed by since the accident.

She said that she used to curse Cookie somewhere along the lines of "Die la!"at times when she was irritated with her. The kids will do that too although those words where not spoken with malice. Little M used to tell his friends in school that Cookie died as a joke but now Cookie really is dead. My aunt had to break the news to the kids and waited until they arrived home to do so. At first they thought my aunt was joking and called out fo Cookie. But when Cookie never came, they realized that mommy was telling the truth and burst into tears. After composing themselves they plucked some flowers from the garden and visited Cookie where she was buried.

One lesson my aunt learnt was never to curse, no matter how angry or out of control you feel. She has asked Cookie so many times to die and she ended up being the one that killed her. The pain must have been immense. I remember accidentally running over a newborn puppy some years ago and I cried with pain and regret as I saw the pup draw its last breath before the life went out of it. What more for a companion who has been with the family for some time.

Words are very powerful tools. Do not take them for granted. Do not say what you don't mean, especially when you are not in control of yourself. Words can forge/destroy, make/break and give/take away. Use them wisely. Be alert and aware of what you say. Sometimes silence is the best thing in a given situation, or just walk away.

RIP Cookie. You are in a better place now.

Getting Real

Something happened at the dojo a few days ago that got me thinking.

It started from the blogpost "what's to gain from pain?" that I read on Memoirs of a Grasshopper. It talked about Congenital Insensitivity to Pain with Anhidrosis (CIPA),  pushing pain thresholds during training and pondered on what pain can teach us. Reading about CIPA made me recall the post that I wrote on pain. From a religious and physical viewpoint I think it is essential that we feel pain. It is not a good feeling and can be downright nasty, but it there for a reason, to protect ourselves.

In the context of pain in training,and pushing the threshold of pain,  I was reminded of the post above when a few of us stayed back after class to do some training of our own. Sensei was having the runs and needed to leave earlier than usual (our classes run for an hour but usually goes on for 90 minutes or more). He said we could stay back and trained somemore if we wanted. We said we would and we decided to work on our nikkyo pin. F is new and was taught an additional technique that night, which was shomenuchi dai nikkyo. J and I took turns taking ukemi for F and put in our 2 cents worth on correction/refinement.

F had a problem applying the nikkyo (ura) as she couldn't quite manipulate the wrist lock effectively. We took our turns volunteering our wrists to let her have a feel of applying the lock to a big hand and a smaller hand. Understandably it was she was havig some difficulty as this is a new technique for her. After some time J decided to apply the lock on her so that she could feel what the lock is like. J started very slowly and gently, with explanations on the progression of the movements applied the nikkyo.  Completely unprepared for the intensity of the pain that followed, F screamed in pain (albeit softly) and withdrew her hand. J let go and asked if she was OK. She just kept smiling, as if she went through a real scare and was traumatized. I explained to her that it is pain is part and parcel of training. We are here to learn an art of self defence and pain is unavoidable. So far her training has been quite pain free, learning how to take ukemi, stretching and throwing techniques. She has learnt ikkyo but that pin is relatively comfortable compared to what she experienced that night.

She seemed to be in a hurry to leave the dojo, and I think I know why. When she had left, I asked J how she's going to be. J's answer was simple: "she must feel it."

It looked like she was in a comfort zone and that pin snapped her out of it. I don't know what she thought of aikido then but it certainly has changed now. Does the pain make it more real? With this brief but unforgettable moment, she will need to decide on whether it is something she wish to continue. If she wishes to, she will have to continue to endure the pain that comes with it. But if she thinks that she can't, then she may want to look for a replacement activity.

Christian Tissier shihan is coming to Singapore!

Christian Tissier shihan, 7th dan

Mumei Shudan Aikido Dojo will be hosting a seminar to be conducted by Christian Tissier shihan, 7th dan from 12-14th November 2010.

For more details please visit Mumei Shudan Aikido Dojo's website.

I was all geared up to go to Singapore for what is going to be a wonderful time at the seminar but unfortunately I have an appeal to deal with the next day after the seminar ends so...Argh!

For those of you who are able to attend this seminar I wish you all a wonderful and enriching time on the mat with your aikido friends!

Self Interest

How true..

"In this relationship called society, every human being is cutting himself off from another by his position, by his ambition, by his desire for fame, power, and so on; but he has to live in this brutal relationship with other men like himself, so the whole thing is glossed over and made respectable by pleasant-sounding words. In everyday life, each one is devoted to his own interests, though it may be in the name of the country, in the name of peace, or God, and so the isolating process goes on. One becomes aware of this whole process in the form of intense loneliness, a feeling of complete isolation. Thought, which has been giving all importance to itself, isolating itself as the `me', the ego, has finally come to the point of realizing that it's held in the prison of its own making." 

Jiddu Krishnamurti - Commentaries On Living Series III Aloneness Beyond Loneliness

Learning how to breathe

I had been bothered by the lower back pain last weekend and for the first time it extended for more than a day. My back was still sore when I went for practice on Monday so I decided that I will visit JAG therapy the next evening after work. I went there on Tuesday evening and lo and behold:- a sign that says that JAP Therapy will be closed from 17th July to 26th August 2010. Oh dear!!! No treatment!!! There was nothing much I could do but to drive across the street and console myself with a large portion of apom balik. I reckoned that it also had something to do with my sleeping on the sofa for the past one week. Oh well..enough said.

After resting for a day after Monday I decided that I was going to attend practice at the dojo tonight.As I stepped into the dojo I prepared my mind for practice. I started by putting on my hakama. I emptied my mind of all the things that happened today and left them outside the dojo. I took my time in tying my hakama and breathing normally at all times. I say that because we have the tendency to hold our breath when we are nervous , panicky or we encounter something physically difficult. That happens to me all the time but I did not realize it until a friend pointed it out to me. That is also why I tend to get tired easily during practice. I don't breathe. I stop breathing when I take ukemi and I ended up stiff bodied. That takes up alot of energy because your body is not taking in the oxygen it needs when there is muscular exertion. So I tell myself, I will start breathing from now on.

Which is just as well because sensei decided that we will practice throwing technique tonight. There were 4 of us seniors so it was just right. The first technique was kotegaeshi (from shomenuchi, yokomenuchi and tsuki attack). The second technique was iriminage (also from shomenuchi, yokomenuchi and tsuki attack).This time around I kept conscious of my role as an uke:- keeping eye contact with the tori, attacking without hesitation, keeping posture, regaining balance, aligning my centre to partner's and to breath! I make it a point to exhale heavily when I take ukemi to keep my body relaxed and supple.

This time around I actually feel purposeful during training. It wasn't just about bowing to your partner, train and keep connection.  We always say that, keep connection but do we know what it takes to make it happen? Quite a bit actually!

Jerry, who's joined us a couple of weeks ago shared some useful tips with me about locking and being locked. Apparently I was tensed up when being locked and he showed me the difference. He also took ukemi from me during kotegaeshi and I was amazed at how light he was! Like throwing a feather!

Before the class ended I was asked to lead the cooling down. I did some stretching followed by some breathing exercise. When sensei ended the class we would, as we usually do, shikko to form a circle and after bowing to one another give an applause as a gesture of appreciation of the efforts made during training and shake hands for the friendship.

Another night that brought a smile to my face.

JENESYS Martial Arts dispatch programme

I was very happy to see Irie sensei and Oyama sensei again after we first met in Brunei in March this year for the Hombu Instruction Tour. I did not think that I would see them again since I've heard that Hombu Dojo dispatches different instructors every year to countries under its development programme. So when JICE came up with the martials arts dispatch programme I was wondering who Hombu Dojo will dispatch this time. I was thrilled when I received the news. Hombu Dojo also sent a female aikidoka by the name of Nakada Akiko san. I met her 2 months ago at Hombu Dojo through Yokota sensei. I really enjoyed training with her.

JICE's martial arts dispatch programme involved 3 martial arts namely Aikido, Karate and Kendo. The training lasted 4 days with a martial arts festival and demonstration hosted by BJFA. The programme was conducted in collaboration with the Embassy of Japan and BJFA. The programme was conducted very successfully and this time we had the benefit of an interpreter Tezuka san who did a wonderful job bringing us closer together eliminating the language barrier. Miss Nomoto of JICE was very friendly and accommodating and it was a pleasure to have worked with her.

As for training some of us were worried that we would not be able to keep up with the training session or even last all 12 sessions. But 2 of us made it!

Then there was the demonstration. BJFA wanted a showcase from both and Japanese and Bruneian martial artists. We were concerned about doing the demonstration because we are such a new organization, and to be demonstrating along the ranks of Instructors from Hombu Dojo, pressure desu ne.. But under the constant guidance and supervision of Irie sensei the demonstration was carried out smoothly and everyone was happy with the result. As long as "inda memalukan" on our side we only do what we can deliver and not hope to impress with flashy but poor executed moves. As always sensei's demonstration was beautiful.

I am so glad that this programme took place and we could train more under Irie sensei. Oyama sensei took one session and we learnt alot about taking ukemi and being an uke. He emphasized on natural movements and kept saying "no posing, just natural". He implored us to think about what he shared and to be conscious about it when we train. That was the first time I took a class from Oyama sensei and I do like his approach as well. Actually I am always happy to train aikido whenever there is a chance. Empty your cup everytime and you'll learn something new. 

Aikido is very new in Brunei and we need all the help we can get. I hope there will be more programmes like this. I cannot wait for the next seminar.

 

The passing of a giant star

I received news from the IAF on its Facebook website that Tamura Nobuyoshi shihan, 8th dan, has passed away. I was very saddened by the news. It is a great loss to the Aikido community and my deepest condolences to Tamura sensei's family and friends.

I do not profess to know Tamura sensei personally, but I had the fortune to train at his session at the 10th IAF Congress and Seminar at Tanabe, Japan. I had started Aikido about one year before and was really very excited to join the Congress and Seminar. As always I would go right to the front when the session started and follow in earnest the warming up and stretching that followed. What caught my attention was the kokyu exercise that Tamura sensei did. In our training sessions back home, we would just stretch and start training. But after attending a few sessions before Tamura sensei's I had come to realise that this prelude to training is integral to what follows after. This exercise is to prepare one's body and mind for the training that follows and everyone has a different expression of how that preparation is to take place.

Although I do not understand the exercise at that time, I tried my best to follow as closely as I could. During the exercise sensei's eyes were closed and I could see the concentration and serenity that exuded from him. His movements were slow and controlled and seemingly relaxed. I could start to see how this would have an effect on the training later on, as if its preparing you to immerse into another world, a world of Aikido.

Thereafter training started. The most notable technique that was demonstrated as katatedori shihonage. That technique left a very deep impression in my mind because I saw how "immovable" he was. Tamura sensei would call anyone from the crowd and move them with ease. But when they were asked to do so it was like trying to move a big rock. Tamura sensei was even throwing men nearly 5 times his size! I remember exchanging looks of shock and admiration with HSB sensei when that happened.

I wanted to feel the technique from sensei himself. so I plucked up the courage to approach sensei as he was near me and asked him to show me the technique again. With a smile he a grabbed my wrist. He then gestured to the cameraman to come over so that this moment may be captured on film.

I was then asked to execute the technique.

Obediently I moved as I what I thought I saw. I could not move sensei. I tried again in several ways but still to no avail. He smiled at me at asked me to grab his wrist. Just as I grabbed his wrist sensei started to move and next thing I know I was down on the floor. I could not really articulate the process but it felt like he was moving me as part of my body. As I landed on the floor I looked at sensei. He smiled at me and asked me to continue with my practice. I tried very hard to remember that feeling all throughout the session.

After the session ended I went looking for Tamura sensei to take a photograph with him. I didn't have any sort of ID book from the federation or dojo for him to sign as a momento so the next best thing is to take a picture. Tamura sensei was really friendly. He grabbed my shoulder and happily obliged to my request. I felt like I was with my grandpa. I left the session that day with a very good feeling.

HSB and I met Tamura sensei again at Kumano before the demonstration started. I really liked his attire and was commenting to HSB on how cool he was. Again we asked to take pictures and this time I blinked my eyes when our photograph was taken. I asked for a second take due to my blinking and he said to me with a smile "next time, please do not close your eyes". From hindsight maybe he made that statement beyond the context of photograph taking? Make life a good ride, don't close your eyes!

Looking back at all this I am so glad that I went for the Congress instead of waiting until "you're more experienced or more learned or advanced blah blah blah". That is not true. I went because I wanted to learn as much about Aikido as I can. Time waits for no man and once you miss the opportunity it will never turn back for you. Because I made the decision to attend this seminar, I got to meet one of the aikido masters and O Sensei's direct students and trained under one of his sessions before he bid adieu to us.

You were a bright shining star in the realm of Aikido and now you would be in paradise, reunited with O Sensei. Rest In peace Tamura sensei. You will always be in my thoughts.

It's been a crazy month. I am asking myself where did all 24 hours of the day go and there is always not enough time for this or that! I would like to spend a day or 2 not doing anything at all but just relax or vegetate. But no light at the end of the tunnel yet...so I soldier on.

Apart from work (so what's new)? I have been busy with some preparations for the upcoming Japan Brunei Martials Arts Festival. This is an event jointly held by Japan International Cooperation Center, Embassy of Japan and Brunei Japan Friendship Association. The festival will feature 3 Japanese Martial Arts namely Aikido, Karate and Kendo. The Aikido programme will run from 5th-8th July 2010 will training sessions to be held at Aikidamashii Dojo. There is a demonstration on Wednesday evening, 7th July 2010 to be held on the 8th Floor of Orchid Garden Hotel. I am going to be one of sensei's uke so we have been having separate training sessions to prepare from the demonstration. There are some concerns about what we are going to do for the demonstration because we are very new to Aikido. That sentiment is understandable so we try to keep it simple.

Last night we had some guests who were supposed to join us for a joint training session at 6pm to prepare for the demonstration but he decided to turn up at 7:15pm with different ukes named. So that means sensei cannot conduct his normal training sessions with other students. Good thing senpai N was there to help out with the kids.

It was very tiring as with all other sessions because we were at it non-stop. Being a slow and heavy uke certainly did not help! We stuck to the kihonwaza and at with tachi, hanmi handachi and at suwari. I got the tachi position which suits me just fine! C got the other 2 so it is alot more tiring for him I suppose. We managed to get a video recording of a segment of the training. I was very humbled by what I saw in the clip. I was tired, slow and not very responsive. And to think that all this time I thought there was some improvement in the way that I respond and move as an uke. I was rather wrong.

It is my sincere hope that I do not cause any problems for sensei at the demonstration. *fingers crossed*

I think this time around if possible I would want to request Irie sensei to teach us on how to be an uke. Without a good uke the traning would not be enjoyable. ( I know, it works both ways). It will be VERY VERY tiring for me the next week. Morning afternoon and evening sessions and these are not your social sessions where you get to adjust your dogi all the time and take frequent water breaks during training. This is the real deal.

One interesting point. A shodan from AMA is joining the programme and I am very much looking forward to training with our Malaysian counterpart. I am sure everything will turn out to be fine.

Minasan gambarimashyo!

You will always be in my thoughts

I was looking the pictures in my laptop one night and saw this picture of me and my late granfather. He has been gone for a little over a year now but I still find it hard to accept that he's left us. He was a man of few words but has a strong presence amongst us.

I think of him often. It is natural that you would think of his goodness and the things he has done and how much more sensitive and appreciative you could have been towards him when he was still with us. But that only shows that I have perhaps like the others, took him for granted more often than appreciating him.

It is the first time that I lost a loved one. I cannot even begin to imagine going through eventual similar experiences as time catches up on us and the Lord calls for us home. But that is life. There is a beginning and an end. We have to make the best of what happens in between.

Cherish those who ARE with you now, instead of realizing what you missed and thinking about them all the time after they are gone. You should be thinking about them when they are still here, when you can see them, talk to them, hold them and tell them how much you love them. Be alert and aware. Time waits for no man. Live with love in your life.

Self-knowledge cannot be gathered through anybody

Jiddu Krishnamurti:

That is why it is important, as I said, to understand the process, the ways of our own thinking. Self-knowledge cannot be gathered through anybody, through any book, through any confession, psychology, or psychoanalyst. It has to be found by yourself, because it is your life; and without the widening and deepening of that knowledge of the self, do what you will, alter any outward or inward circumstances, influences - it will ever be a breeding ground of despair, pain, sorrow. To go beyond the self-enclosing activities of the mind, you must understand them; and to understand them is to be aware of action in relationship, relationship to things, to people, and to ideas. In that relationship, which is the mirror, we begin to see ourselves, without any justification or condemnation; and from that wider and deeper knowledge of the ways of our own mind, it is possible to proceed further; then it is possible for the mind to be quiet, to receive that which is real. - Ojai 4th Public Talk 24th July 1949 Collected Works, Volume 4