Thursday 11 September 2008

You feel pain? Good for you.

It has been 48 hours since my right deltoid got busted and the pain is showing no signs of abating. I have a training session tonight and was anxious to get back into the thick of action. If anything the pain seems to have extended beyond my deltoid, making it painful for me to move my arm upwards. Anyway, I thought I'd go to the dojo anyway since I need to open it. I promised Chiong that I will show him the bokkens and jo that I ordered from Tozando.com before he makes his decision to request my assistance in purchasing some for him during my stay in Tanabe.

I practised the 7 ken suburi with an aikiken to see how my right arm would take it. There is slight pain but bearable. Then my senpai arrived one after the other and we talked about getting bokken and jo from various places. Somehow he feels better knowing that he got his from Japan. See, reputation does count!

Our training tonight was on hamni handachi techniques. AI joined us for training tonight and 2 nights ago and I must say it is different seeing a male aikidoka in a hakama (I won't mention sensei because I am so used to seeing him in a kakama it would be weird if her isn't wearing one!). Somehow there's an aura attached to it. But it is a different aura compared to my sifu from Mount KK hehehe.

I started off being the uke for Rozi after being instructed to execute the locking techniques in hanmi handachi position from shomenuchi. I couldn't attack from either side because my right arm would either feel pain from the grab or from taking the ukemi. I thought I have had it for the night but sensei suggested that I should just practice as the nage. It worked out better as for most parts I didn't feel the pain. We were given lessons on how to be a good uke in making the nage's technique look good, in the context of grading. There were actually alot of fineprint to it and I am glad that we were told of this. MN was a very good uke while Chiong needed a bit more work. It was all good.

Then came the jiyu waza. I was again not fluid as I was more concerned the next out of 6 throws that I have to execute. Sensei then asked us to execute techniques with futare gake. Never leave your back open to your opponent. Somehow the futare gake ( two ukes attacking a nage) was better for all of us because we need not be too strict about the number of throws that we need to execute. Too bad my right arm was giving me problems otherwise my mind would have been more alert rather than being distracted by the pain.

Coming back to the issue of pain, I initially hated the fact that it prevented me from getting on with my training tonight. I also hated the fact that this injury will delay my progress in training. I further hated the fact that I can be everyone's nage but not learning as an uke.

But then when I sat down and thought about it, I should be glad that I feel the pain. For me, the pain is a reminder of things to come. It tells you what might happen if you ignore it. It tells you that you are human, it tells you that you are alive, it tells you that what you feel is real, it tells you to take care of yourself. Apart from the injury to the right deltoid my other injury was my lower back injury which I sustained about 13 years ago during my tennis days. When you are young and fit nothing seems to be able to get you down. You can train for hours and hours and not be tired. You will stay up the whole night and still be able to go through the next day. You can eat as much as you want but still look good. You have all the energy in this world and you seem invinsible. At least that was how I feel then.

Then age catches up on you. You'd run out of breath if when you workout, you feel like a zombie for not having enough sleep, you eat like you ate before and you waistline will keep expanding. Most of all, the little aches and pains will manifest. Headaches? Where on earth did that come from? Chest pains? Since when? Squat too long and can't get up afterwards? huh??? Sounds familiar?

You feel physical pain for a variety of reasons. For me it is mainly because I have overworked my body. I loath to be still or inactive for too long because I always end up falling asleep soon after. I make it a point to fill my life with activities whether indoors or outdoors and most of it require physical exertion. I have been lifting weights for quite some time but stopped as my gym membership expired in March. I didn't renew my membership because...oh don't get me started...hmph. Anyway I digress. So due to my rather active lifestyle and the activities I participate in, it is only a matter of time before I feel pain one way or the other if I am not careful with myself. It happened 13 years ago and it happened again 2 days ago.

As much I would like to go back to my younger days I must accept that fact that my body will never be like how it was. I must know my limits. My mom has always asked me, "why can't you just be like the other girls and take up dancing or singing?" Because I am only 10% woman I was told. Hehehe. I like dancing and singing too, but it is just not my priority for now. While I experience physical pain, my mother experiences emotional pain worrying about my injury. Hence she doesn't know about this injury. (Shhh!)

To sum it up, I only have one body and there are no spare parts ( I am aware of transplants, cloning and stem cell research, but notwithstanding). If you get injured you sit out. I have to take care of myself and I am glad that Pain is there to remind me of it.

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